bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
