Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
