im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
