You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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