oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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