Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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