After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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