If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
