The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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