What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
