you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
