thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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