he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
