THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
