So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
