I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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