This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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