Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
