im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
