I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
