he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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