Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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