well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
