I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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