I puked a lego.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
