Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
