It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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