I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
