well you can't waste a boner
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
