i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
