I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
