So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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