Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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