we have officially lost it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
