the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
