Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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