It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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