Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

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(+47): View more from Norway

I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian

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(409): View more from Texas

He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

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(330): View more from Ohio

beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it

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(206): View more from Washington

I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.

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(440): View more from Ohio

If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.

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(813): View more from Florida

And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit

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(420): View more from

He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??

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