All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize