I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
