i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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