just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
