just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
