somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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