dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
