I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will be naked everywhere
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
