quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
