ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
