I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
