Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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