I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
