I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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