I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
