we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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