Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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