ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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