he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
