You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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