wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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