You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
