I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
