He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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