so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
