he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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