i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
