apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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