please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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