wat bout pragnant strippers??
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
