You just made me feel so damn special
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
