My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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