So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
