How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
