Nicole vs. Life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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