what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
