You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
